#like why is that making me so emotional
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I'm watching roasting ugly mansions 2 and realizing, like.
Phil has his filming room
and like he must go in there, shut the door, and sing silly little songs about how many cabinets there are
and Dan must hear him and go "oh just phil talking to the kids again"
#like why is that making me so emotional#like do you think dan just gets absorbed in his own things or goes out for a bit#and then walks past the guest room door and hears phil talking and making weird noises#and goes 'heh just that silly husband of mine at it again'#back on my dan and phil bullshit#phan
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queen of diamonds, upright + reversed 💎
I've redone this like eighty times, I have to just be done with it now and stop staring at all my mistakes oh no 🫠
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#coming in well after the fact but that's what happens when the art doesn't cooperate#and i just HAD to draw something for vil's ob (re-ob?) because i loved it so much#legit put my hand over my mouth and went “oh!” when i realized what was happening#i thought it was just going to be an idia thing because. y'know. closing out his character arc from episode 6 and all#so this was like. oh! oh we're going to get ALL the inky boys!!!!!#i wonder if this is why we got a malleus flashback so early...#not to mention everyone's dreams?!#i am braced for 90% of the dreams to be kind of jokey/inconsequential because we have SO many characters to get through#and most of the time will probably be spent on our lads (literally) dropkicking their emotional problems#but i am excited to see everyone regardless!#and also kind of terrified! what on EARTH will floyd be dreaming about. do i want to know.#i do but do i want to.#man. they're probably not going to get back to it but i do wonder what silver's dream was#what was he doing when he was like 'wait a minute' and noped right out of there#lilia: here silver i made dinner :)#silver: oh boy this looks great! ...YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD#ouuuagh i'm still deep in the blotsauce guys and i'm loving it#come make snowangels in the ink with me it's great
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go
#the locked tomb#harrowhark nonagesimus#john gaius#harrow the ninth#this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL#this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships#(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think#the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real#but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed)#there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone?#yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't)#the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god#when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care#(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution)#and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on#it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there#while john is -- well he sure is being john huh#this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end#(with john slam dunked right into hell that is)#it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up#john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too
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hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au
turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else
now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident
also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out
#turbo#turbotastic#fix it felix jr#80s boyfriends#hammertastic#headcanon about them exchanging their trophies isn't mine but i loved it A LOT#and “darling” is turbo making fun of how felix was calling him in 80s#this hc about “doll” and “darling” pet names also is not mine but i adore it#turbo here is a complete freak who just stays around felix most of the time even when felix has moments with calhoun#and felix is an ass who keeps secrets from everyone bc he doesn't want his dirt to come out#he's ashamed of his previous relationship with turbo and doesn't want anyone to know any details#and calhoun to just know about it#this just gets worse and worse#they also didn't actually break up and were still technically dating when turbo went gamejumping#and he's mad af at felix because he's the reason ppl in the acrade made a boogeyman out of turbo and he couldn't come back#like imagine your bf says to you what you are better than others think of you#and then behind your (presumably dead) back tells everyone that you're just an egocentric maniac#i believe turbo has other reasons why he gamejumped (besides jealousy which took place but wasn't the most important reason)#and felix is an unreliable narrator#so yeah turbo HATES his ass#(but still would-) no im not making it suggestive#anyway i hc that turbo had put A LOT of emotions in this relationship even tho he's bad at this#he tried his best with felix but they were just making each other worse#and turbo while feeling betrayed never really moved on (yes even after 25 years he's PATHETIC)#and felix is just full of regret about everything but he won't admit his mistakes in his relationship with turbo#bc “well he turned out to be a bad person so that automatically makes me in the right about everything”#but felix had made a lot of bad decisions while dating turbo and was just classically ignorant about a ton of things#sorry about this random ass essay in tags i'm done for now#wreck it ralph#wir
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some of the right words
#akia art#olba#baxter ward#olba mc#maggie fighting for her life (colorized)#girl went into step 3 a casual dater and it took all of two (2) moments for her to accept she was screwed#doubly so bc it was supposed to be seasonal 🤣 it's such a fun premise for how it engages the mc's own complexities#i wonder how long it took baxter to fall on his ass tbh#i feel like he was self-aware enough to know it was happening but there had to have been an element of frog in boiling water to it#what w all that 19 yo emotional constipation LMAO#and the writing's preoccupation w coexisting dualities#the recoil of refusing to perceive until perceiving happens beyond your control must be insane#anyway i was also fighting for my life trying to draw a mouth kiss and that's why i've avoided them until now#tell me why it's giving the slobbery make out meme 😭🤣
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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Jealousy, Jealousy
#friend jealousy is a BITCH and i think kei would definitely suffer from it#he made one (1) friend in elementary school and decided it was enough for one lifetime#but now theyre in HS and tadashi is a lot more out of his shell than he previously was and oh look :) now hes making more friends#i just KNOW it eats kei up. watching his best friend laugh with other people.#i think this would be the first time too which is why its a particularly big blow like#for so long its been him and tadashi that this was never a concern#so now he doesnt know how to manage this ugly emotion#definitely see him get snappier with hinata and kageyana#goes unnoticed tho because he usually tends to be an ass to them anyway#Man.#SIGH.#this came to me in a vision and i made myself upset so LOL. Releases this to the wild yaay…#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#tsukishima kei#yamaguchi tadashi#queerplatonic if you understand the workd#tsukkiyama#hq#lots to the read in the tags lol sorry…
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that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them
but. does ivan know that…?
the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself
because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"
but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—
surely this selfish wanting can’t be love
...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die
but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...
I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)
but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself
#alien stage#alnst#alnst ivan#ivantill#i have a lot of thoughts on till -> mizi too but this is long enough#just attempting to rewrite my twt rambles more coherently#idk why i wrote this so dramatically tho...#'thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions' is going to haunt me to my grave#ivan's character is just a careful balance between his natural freak nature and his extreme depths of self-loathing#making him the most miserable guy ever#...really once you realize so much of what went wrong is thanks to ivan just hating himself too much to even think of them as friends. well#c...can we bring him back... don't die like this.....#(also you know. with the implications of how 'pets' are treated#wanting someone physically must feel... even more wrong
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house and wilson seeing each other for the first time in months in s08e02
#house md#hilson#gregory house#james wilson#gilles gifs#housemdedit#houseedit#housemdgifs#anyway#i need to chew on meta for this episode for a bit#but this scene just.......#the way house his eyes are immediately on wilson#and wilson looks so guilty and pained#but not JUST that#it's like he's trying to hide it but the emotions are just too big#making particularly his eyes just overflow with a wild cocktail of emotions#(which is why him looking away kills me)#i really need to think about this further because i really want to write a fic filling in the gap between s7 and s8#ALSO the way house deals with it#he's so aware of the discomfort#also between him & wilson#and knowing that his one fear is wilson hating him..... he must have been anxious too in this first meeting#immediately checking up on wilson's body language#urhghghhr#i will probably come back to this episode later when i have more energy
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HYUNJIN 🖤
#hyunjin#skz#bystay#staydaily#gifs#stray kids#love u with every fiber found within me. no one has ever impacted my life quite like you#i will be thinking about you even at the ends of the world#I WILL NEVER LET U GOOO O OO OO. OOOOOH my everything forever and ever like we are 4lyfers for real#if he asked i would hand pick stars from the sky for him just like flowers#😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞❤️❤️#idk why im getting so emotional rn like woah hh h woahhh woahhh#ive never been more proud and excited to be a fan of someone#the passion love and care u put in to everything u do is unmatched and#im looking forward to future knowing how u want to improve at things u love#even though to me u are perfect rn as u are#but the thought of u wanting to show us even greater things in the future makes me vibrate#thank u for being u and bringing light and love to my life every day 🥹#i hope the whole universe brings u all the love back u give to it#YIPPIEEEWW MIGHT OF SHED A TEAR#HAPPY BDAY MY LOVIEEEEEEEEE ILYYYYYYY
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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the more i rewatch twin peaks i am reminded more and more that albert rosenfield (and to a lesser extent bobby briggs, though he doesn’t quite articulate it as clearly as albert with the exception of him breaking down at laura’s funeral) is THE only character to recognize laura’s death for what it was—completely avoidable, unromantic, and caused by human evil that nobody recognized the signs of or did anything to stop
#twin peaks#albert rosenfield#bobby also gets it but he is a deeply emotional struggling seventeen year old with many issues who we watch process his trauma day by#day on the show and thus has a specific emotional POV (which i think is actually incredibly well written and makes sense for his#character and relationship to the town and to laura)#meanwhile i think about the fact that one of the first major moments interpersonal conflicts set up for him is that he wants to do the#autopsy on laura and finds himself fighting with half the town—including other law enforcement officers—to just do his job and try to bring#this dead child justice like. it is so incredible to be how key his character is in getting why the show is the way it is#and then to watch fire walk with me completely tempers the way you view the show; why didn’t anyone help laura when she was alive? and why#is albert the only one to do so after her death?
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This parallel makes me insane actually (and there is something incredibly Lawlu about it to me)
#One Piece#Monkey D. Luffy#Sanji#Trafalgar Law#Lawlu#something about Luffy saying almost the exact same thing that Corazon said to Law makes me so emotional actually#It's easy to think Corazon and Luffy would get along. they are both kindhearted goofy sweethearts#but it's more than JUST that#it's that deeper thing where they understand and carry the pain of the people they hold dear#And it's the fact that overhearing Corazon say this is pretty much what changed Law's life#To know that he is cared for and seen and someone wants the best for him#And then Law loses him#And then years later he aligns himself with Monkey D Luffy#Someone who has these echoes of Corazon in him#The echoes of the person he held so close to his heart#Like. It's no wonder Law is so compelled and mystified by Luffy in equal measure#I think if Law heard Luffy say this to Sanji he'd go insane#cause I know he's remember everything Cora said that night exactly#and it might tell him why he sought out and believed in Luffy against all odds and logic#(why he cares for him so much too. why Luffy's stubborn insistence on loving him without condition is so familiar)#I don't even know if these tags are making any sense but IM FEELING THINGS OK#donquixote rosinante#Corazon
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